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Hi Deb, im really sorry i dident return after u left uw message here for me, i dissopeared again until a few days ago, i should have thank u much sooner for thinking of me ok, uw post here was really kind deb and its not that people here dont or couldent cheer me up i dident want to be here in a depressed mood it would have shown in my posts, i am much better than i was a few months back, returning to being single again took a bit of getting used to, im hopeing to find a new woman in my life to love again, sorry im rambeling a bit, hope we can still be friends here deb i dident mean to ignore u ok. LOL+Warm Hug for u deb.xxx paula4kd

Hi Deb, Thank U for uw kind and supportive words, i wanted to drop in yesterday evening but we had a power cut from 4pm until midnight, no tv no internet connection not even a cup of tea the whole night but luckily its all working this evening hope uw having a nice day deb. Big Friday hug for u.xxx paula4kd

Hi Billi, haha that is one Big rat haha very cute billi, thank u for sending it to me, i like rodents i had a cute hamster once called susie, i used to let her run round the house, well since there main aim in life seems to be to escape i think i helped her feel she did or at least until bedtime anyway, see u soon on msg ok.Hugs for u billi.xxx paula4kd

Dear Fruitcake, i want to thank u for uw kind supportive words i do find them comforting, i do feel very alone more so at nights my mum is not well and sleeps for long periods of time and she cant cope with talking about whats happened when i feel i need to but i know i need to respect that for mums sake, i am trying to see profesioal help fruitcake i think my system is still in shock, i have terrible visions at night made worse by it being so quiate, i want and need peace fruitcake but not just for me but my brother too i hope whereever he is hes safe now and knows how much we love him, i need answers to something that dosent make any sence to me and justice that i know we as a family will never have i feel tormented by that, how can i ever smile and feel happy again and if i do i will only feel guilty for that, i have to sit down alone and write something soon and it has to the best tribute i can ever write i cant fail it has to be perfect in every way cause im not doing it for me im doing it for my brother, and when i stand up there in front of everyone i hope they can look at my face and see a little bit of stan in me and remember him always. Love Paula

Dear Fruitcake, i very much appreciate and understand everything u say here, i know that the grieving that mum and me are going through shows in different ways but thank god we have each other i really dont know what i would have done without mum and all her support, i went and made most of the funeral arrangements today that was tough but i need to feel apart of that, the date set is for the 21st of dec late afternoon, it was the only date left before christmas otherwise we would have to wait until after and i dident feel it was right for stan to left without a funeral that long, cause of the investigtion its already taken 2 or more weeks longer, stan had lots of friends he was a larger than life charictor, i know they will all be there for him along with his family, i know stans memorie will live on forever through everyone that loved him, Thank UFruitcake for uw kind words of support .xxx Paula

Dear Deb, Thank U so much for uw emails and the lovely picture of the angel here sorry i dident make it back to thank u and fruitcake before now i have had a lot of things to sort out here, i did manage to sleep better last night, i tell myself that my brother is with our dad now and at peace, watching over us, Deb im really greatful for u emailing me it has been helpful to me being able to talk about whats happened. Thank UDeb for everything.xxxPaula